An open letter to bearded hipsters (Oh My)

English: A syttende mai dinner in the Three Cr...

English: A syttende mai dinner in the Three Crowns Dining Room at Holiday Inn South, Rochester, Minnesota. Plate holds lutefisk, rutabaga, meatballs, cranberries, and lefse. ‪Norsk (bokmål)‬: Lutefisk, fra en 17. mai-feiring i Minnesota: lutefisk (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OK, Guys, if you’re in Norway, Minnesota, North Dakota, Wisconsin, Iowa, or other places where it gets completely ridiculously cold, and it snows so much that one really can justify a snow machine, it’s a day to kick back and have some lutefisk and drink some aquavit. Yep, it 17 May again, or Norwegian Constitution day. I don’t know many of us Scandis that think we need more excuse to party than that it’s a day that ends in -day, but we got one today. I wrote about it last year so if you want to know more, go here. In any case, ‘

GOD SYTTENDE MAI!!


Then there is this broad. She may be the funniest (and one of the most truthful) writers I have ever read. Not many people can write a post that I can hardly read because of the tears rolling down my face while I’m rolling on the floor. My God, she’s good. Read it follow the link, read the post that follows as well, it connects. Hell , spend the day, it goes good with Aquavit. And yes, I need to get a laptop, My desktop doesn’t like rolling around on the floor, and it doesn’t laugh worth a crap, either. Language warning: She writes like real Americans talk. If you’re easily offended, you’re in the wrong place here, and on Nicki’s site as well. You can whine in comments if you wish.

Dear Bearded Hipsters,

YOU GUYS ARE RUINING MY BEARD FETISH.  Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve loved a man with a beard. To me, they meant strength, power, MANLINESS. Someone who could protect me. Unfortunately, you guys have turned it into a fashion statement. The beard has turned into the padded bra of masculinity. Sure it looks sexy, but whatcha got under there? There’s a whole generation running around looking like lumberjacks, and most of you can’t change a fucking tire.

Look, I get it. I really do. I understand the motivation behind your beardedness. In fact, I even pity you. Thousands of years of evolution priming you guys to kill stuff, and chase stuff, and fuck stuff….and now what? You’re stuck at a desk all day. No battles to fight. No wars to wage. So you assert your masculinity the only way you know how. You brew beer. You grow some hair on your face. I’ve seen you, hipsters, sitting in downtown eateries, with your rock chick girlfriends, dipping your truffle fries, trying not to get the aioli in your mustache. I’ve seen the quiet desperation in your eyes. I know you’re screaming into the void.

But I still hate you for it. You’re confusing me. It’s now on me to suss out who is the real man and who is the poseur. Sadly, I fear most of you are the latter. Before this explosion of whiskers on trendy men everywhere, if I saw a bearded man it was safe to assume certain things about him. Like, he probably owned a hammer. Or washed his hair with a bar of Irish Spring. His beard was probably scented with motor oil and probably had remnants of last night’s chili in it.

via An open letter to bearded hipsters « The Nicki Daniels Interview.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

About NEO
Lineman, Electrician, Industrial Control technician, Staking Engineer, Inspector, Quality Assurance Manager, Chief Operations Officer

16 Responses to An open letter to bearded hipsters (Oh My)

  1. Orson Welles Great Mysteries(1973-1974) 😉

    Like

    • NEO says:

      Thanks, Wil!

      Like

  2. the unit says:

    I’ve had a moustache about 40 years. Hipster I’m not. I still have some clothes in my closet I wore back then, although no bell bottoms…I think I wore them out. Just swede and leather jackets.
    My wife is the hipster. The other day she stepped in some dog poo with her flip flops. Clean it off…no. Could have used one of my little dollar wire brushes I get at “Do It Right” hardware.
    No…toss and get new.

    Like

    • NEO says:

      Yep, I grew mine as a college freshman-in the early seventies, had it ever since, wouldn’t know who I was without it. I’m lazy and sometimes have a beard, especially in the winter, it is warm, and shaving makes you cold, anyway.

      But you know something, I’m a man, and I know it, I don’t have to do things to advertise to the world, like these poor confused boys do, I got over that when I was still in high school. Different time, I’m afraid my friend.

      I would have use the belt sander, but then I haven’t owned a pair of flip-flops in 45 years at least.

      Like

      • the unit says:

        Flip flops. Florida you know. Works for “no shoes, no shirt, no service.”

        Like

        • NEO says:

          I do have a pair of sandals, that have an actual footbed. My arches aren’t what they used to be. 🙂

          Like

        • the unit says:

          Yeah, I have real “Golden Aches” with all the other aches and pains of the “Golden Years.” 🙂

          Like

        • NEO says:

          I resemble that remark, and admire that statement of it. 🙂

          Like

        • the unit says:

          And “it’s Bush’s fault.” 🙂 Of course.

          Like

        • NEO says:

          Of course it is. 🙂

          Like

        • the unit says:

          🙂

          Like

        • NEO says:

          🙂

          Like

  3. Indeed “manhood” is hard to find these days! And it surely goes much deeper than any beard & mustache! Btw, the latter is hard to find these days, at least a good one! When I was young, I was a toehead, and so my beard came out rather reddish. When my firstborn came along (I was 40 btw), I did not shave for a few weeks, and my wife was so surprised to see my reddish beard! Btw that did not last too long! No beards for RMC’s!

    Like

    • NEO says:

      AF was same, at least when I was young, but i don’t really like having a beard, I’m just lazy sometimes. And it all went gray in my 20s and is now more white than anything. Thanks genes! 🙂

      Like

      • For some reason I have not completely grayed yet? I guess some of the now dirty-blond hides it, though ya can see the gray on the sides! My dad had a full head of gray-white hair when he died, (88). But me beard, now that is gray and somewhat white, when I don’t shave. But old habits are hard to break, I shave almost daily… otherwise my wife won’t kiss me! lol

        Like

        • NEO says:

          That’s the best reason there is!! 🙂

          Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s