Hmmm …

Either I should have my head examined or I need to get out more. Some perverse mood came over me and I wound up cleaning out my desk. Well, 3/4 of it, anyway (the last quarter will happen later this morning). It had gotten so bad, this big desk of mine, that I was stacking stuff on top of it because I couldn’t stuff any more stuff inside of it. I have bankers boxes to house the stuff, which means I can make a nice, orderly stack of stuff, all neatly labeled and which will, of course, sit around and gather dust but that’s another article, I’m sure.

I have a big executive desk with a left side return. The return holds two drawers – the small ‘pen’ drawer and a large file drawer beneath it. This is the drawer I use for bank statements, insurance papers, certificates and titles, and all that sort of thing for the running of the household. I removed six years of bank statements (yes, you read that correctly – six years), several years of income tax returns, and about a gazillion checkbook stubs. Now all neatly filed in banker boxes.

Yesterday I tackled the ‘me’ drawer on the right-hand side of the desk. It was quite a revelation. I removed, literally, at least two reams of paper – Bible color sheets, art projects, hints and ideas, lesson plans, and other stuff that remained from when I taught Sunday school. Cleared out tons of paper having to do with when I was going to seminary to become a deaconess (in my denomination it is a non-ordained position) but did hold back on some of the histories and the Church Fathers and the major heresies from centuries ago. Modern heresies are far too numerous to even contend with … but I digress.

Then I opened a file that was titled GOD. I had forgotten that was in there. Cleaning out the drawer slowed to a stop. I pulled out each piece of paper and read it. A large Mountain Dew and a pack of cigarettes later, I sat back and wondered at myself. Where did that woman go? The one who collected sayings and verses and discourses and apologetics and deep thoughts by brilliant minds across the ages and book titles and recommendations to myself on authors to research. Where did she go?

I remember when I was writing the essays that eventually became my book – the Holy Spirit sat on the desk here while I typed; He gave me the inspiration for a lot of the essays; He directed me to the correct sources for information. We got so close, He and I. To those I spoke really personal things to, I laughed and said I didn’t have ghostwriter, that the Holy Ghost had an Audre writer.

I want that woman back. I need her in my life. I used to wake in the morning with hymn verses running through my head. Jesus was the first thing in the morning, the last thing at night, and a constant friend throughout the days. I think what happened was I stopped looking. Stopped looking for God in all things. Stopped seeing Jesus as the goal and example. Stopped needing the Holy Spirit – my Comforter and Teacher.

I didn’t throw away one piece of paper in the GOD file. They are all neatly standing in that file, ready for me to begin looking again, searching again, yearning again. I can feel the pull towards it now. I won’t forget about that file again.

26 Responses to Hmmm …

  1. Alys Williams says:

    Whoa there Audre, a good sort out often yields treasure of one kind or another amongst the old bank statements. Recently I found some photographs I had been looking for and I had a similar ‘where have I been and what I have I been doing’ all these years question.. And you’re so right, no matter what happens to us or how our lives twist and turn we should always be looking for God because His hand is everywhere.

    Liked by 4 people

    • audremyers says:

      Oh, Alys!!! What a delightful surprise! Bless your heart; I’m so happy to see you here! For NEO readers, Alys is my dear, dear friend who lives in Wells, England! It is, indeed, a small world!

      All those God papers I found are saved as inspiration for new writings.

      What I didn’t include in the above piece is the fact that I found four pictures – rather sexy ones, I’m afraid – that are amazing to me. The old gray mare may not be what she used to be – but she was once!!! Lon scooped up the pictures and hid them somewhere against me throwing them away, I guess. LOL!

      Oh, Alys! Seeing you here brings me such joy. Big hug, cariad!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. the unit says:

    I’m keeping at least social distance from my desk, maybe the aerosol plume distance of two grocery aisles.
    I took after Dad he had a bent wire, i.e. coat hanger, in kitchen closet that he hung each and every receipt he ever had, including $600 for his ’39 Ford
    Just hung up mine for the $6745 Carrier heat pump/AC system done on Tuesday. It’s only limited warranted for 10 years/parts; old Heil AC lasted 26 years. One third of my life, almost until death do me part. This one should settled science on that score. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Nicholas says:

    I really really liked this post. It chimes with me – perhaps I needed to see it.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. the unit says:

    Taking a jump start on Sunday Funnies. Gonna be a good one from looking ahead, at least to those where lots of them come from. I like the electrician one. Bet a Scandinavian’s ones are pretty thin to begin with. Mine English ones ain’t too bushey themselves, and ’cause from past endeavors 🙂
    Last picture could be better at that site.
    Tried explaining my thoughts to my best friend… 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. 39 Pontiac Dream says:

    ‘I didn’t have ghostwriter, that the Holy Ghost had an Audre writer.’

    What a lovely turn of phrase!

    You say at the end of this article that you won’t lose the file again but maybe you should. Perhaps in a year’s time or maybe more, you’ll be searching through your papers, find it again and it’ll give you the same sort of joy and satisfaction you felt finding it this time. Maybe that’s why we lose things, so we can rediscover the hope and happiness we felt when we originally put those things together.

    Liked by 1 person

    • audremyers says:

      That’s a wonderful thought, 39. I’ll add to file now when I read or hear things that impress me or touch my heart, and I’ll use what’s in the file as inspiration for future writings and life (and age) being what it is, I’ll probably gradually forget about the file again. But you know what? When it’s time for me to go home, one of my kids will find the file and perhaps be moved to take it, savor it, and add to it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 39 Pontiac Dream says:

        That’s a wonderful idea.

        I hope you don’t mind, by the way, but I’ve linked your article to the Top Ten Blogs of the Week on TCW, along with a brilliantly wacky article I read in the week about a man’s relationship with his vacuum cleaner (it’s not dirty, just eccentric).

        I think these types of article present a lovely escape from the daily madness.

        Liked by 1 person

        • audremyers says:

          It’s exciting that you’ve given NEO a boost like that. Hope it’s accepted well.

          I divorced my vacuum cleaner; it’s now in the hands of another woman who gives it quite a work out every two weeks.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. audremyers says:

    Nicholas says – I know some Yiddish words, too, that fit in very well when I think about Democrats!


  7. audremyers says:

    the unit – I could have gone a hundred years without reading that.


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